xdes

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I’m a huge fan of yours.
As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed.
The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you’re even when I know for a fact they do not want to
hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a kebab, a butter chicken curry along with a sausage with cheese,onion and mustard (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit kat after a few sweet chilli and sour cream old dutch chips)? I’m an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you’re subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It’s completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to
get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop.
This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening’s debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken ie water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You’ve been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don’t know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY
WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing

i’m sure you guys have them too. but theres a co-worker at my second job that ...well..he just doesn’t do his job well at all. well, he does it ok i guess..but when it comes to watching after people like me...boy is he dumb. a non-account(i think) customer called today to see if i could quote him on random standard/metric hex cap screws, washers, nuts, and some electrical terminals.  i asked dax what i should do, and he told me i should just quote him on a kit(the kit comes with a 72 hole bin, and like 2500 assorted washers, nuts, bolts. i told that idiot i didn’t want to do it that way, that i was just going to do random ones like the customer(nash eleven(again protecting the name of the customer)) had asked me to do. so me being not so familiar with the POS, yes thats the name of our computer software we use at work..i think it means something like part ordering system..which is probably way off from what it means, but really its a Piece of Shit. so anyway, i’m not too familiar with it since i mainly play like a delivery boy. i asked dexter if i could just pull up a quote for them on the POS, and print it out, and he said no or something. so i looked up a bunch of parts and wrote them all down, while doing a quote on the computer so i could see the price to write down on my notepad, which would then be faxed to nash eleven.i fill this damned page up, and i show it to dexter to see if it looks alright, because i don’t do quotes and all that jazz much..and you know what the moron said?? “why didn’t you just print the quote out from the computer?” it took everything i had not to hit that mother fucker! my knees started shaking, my heart was racing, the vein on my head was throbbing, my hands balled up into fists so tight that the circulation was cut off. wanna know what i did? i picked up the already broken chair up that i had been sitting in, and launched it over the counter into the display bin and said “how the fuck is that for fucking ‘printing off the computer’, asshole!?!” he took off running like a little pussy into the back and cried. i was too furious to stay any longer in that place with him..so i fucking left and went and got a 12 pack so i could come write about it for you guys..cause i know how you like excitement. dexter is such a dumbshit.i think i’m going to write to our regional VP and tell him i don’t want him working at MY store anymore.

i had a packed weekend, the first in a while. and it was fun too.

friday, after work, i drank 3 beers while i waited on olivia to get off work and go home to get dressed and whatever so we could go on our first ‘real date’ i guess. i thought i would be nice like that. we went to carrabas(best food ever) and ate. then after that, we headed to b hayes house for a halloween party(even though halloween is over). it was supposed to be a costume party, but me or olivia didn’t dress up since we’d just left from eating. they had a keg, so i was happy..and some liqour, which made me even happier. i didn’t get trashed for once, but none the less it was fun watching B being drunk. if you dont know brandon..then you don’t know how he is..just funny. he ended up making out hardcore with an older lady, probably in her 40’s, from his workplace..grabbing her ass and all. just funny. we left there and went back to my house and drank some more and had a wrestling match, in which she “won”.

the next day we went to her bank to pay a bill or something, then cooked breakfast, and then i left for work. work wasn’t bad, i got off at 8(which is early considering all the driving and crap i have to do). after that, met up with joseph and holly, olives cousin and his friend, and then my friend out at chilis for some grub, then we went on back to my house after that sans joseph and holly. hung out and went to sleep.

sunday, woke up and went to lowes to pick up some stuff(doorbell, pop-out valve that needs to be replaced on the water heater), then rented office space(olive had not seen that!) and saw 3, since we were going to see saw 4 later on in the day w/ jo and holly.  we watched office space, and i laughed just like i always do because its freaking great, and then watched saw3. i don’t know everyone elses takes on the saw movies, but i like them..they do a good job with the twists and whatnot. however, its a little gory. just a little though, heh.

saw 4 was as good as the first 3..explains some things for you, and leaves you expecting another one. which i would go see.

i saw some previews for movies that i’m definatly going to watch..one being Hitman. it just looks plain bad ass. the other would be Beowulf. i read the other day about it in Maxim, and wanted to see it, but the preview looked decent. i just think it would be a good movie...and angelina is in it

don’t know if you guys knew this, but…

scarlet begonias

luckily when i made mine, i had a little of the materials already in stock at my house...such as the pole and 2x4s..and drywall screws. it doesnt really take too much to do it, but here is what i did, and you will probably have to do some things differently:

1.) find a pole. i happened to have a pole already that used be a handrail to go to the basement. it was too long, and had an elbow joint that needed to be removed. and i had to weld the mount back on the bottom so it would be straight, rather than a 90 degree angle.

2.) mount the pole. for this, i bought some supplies from fastenal(my second job), so it wasnt too expensive, nor would it have been anyway. i drilled four 5/16 holes in the concrete, and then anchored the pole to the floor with 3/8 LDT’s(large diameter tapcons). and bolted the top of the pole to a ceiling joist with four 3/8 hex cap screws, and used washers so the nut wouldnt pull into the 2x8.

3.) i began building the platform and installed the can lights, aiming them to the center of the stage. i only used 2 can lights here, but four would probably be even better. i made the platform 5x5(sorta...its actually not square because i mis-measured something, but you can’t tell, so it’s ok)

4.) next, i layed the subflooring. i used advantech, because its strong and sturdy as hell..but a piece of 3/4” plywood would probably work too, and maybe even 1/2” would be sufficient if you had enough supports in your platform, which i didn’t. i screwed everything together because screws don’t back out as easily as nails..and in the long haul, won’t squeek.

5.) i bought a strand of 25 ft ropelight from lowes for around 12 bucks, and its easy to install. theres little brackets you screw in place, and then just pop the ropelight into the brackets, and then plug it in

6.) next i layed laminate flooring..its a cheap alternative to hardwood, and easy to install. unfortunately i had to put some nails in on the edges so it would be secured(normally you don’t nail it down, it all clicks together)

7.) done

8.) if you build it, they will come.

ok, not really, i had a really great time, and thanks to you guys that made it! it was a blast. the stripper pole turned out to be a lot of fun, we only had one injury, and that was brandon..ended up getting 5 stitches. you’re not a stripper unless you leave with stitches is what he said..heh

clean up wasnt bad at all either(however i still have some cleaning to do). all the beer bottles and cans were all we had to clean up..so it wasnt too bad. anyhow, thanks to everyone for making it fun

my dad just called me and wanted to say hi and to check in on me and tell me that he loves me. which they do that occasionally, as a lot of parents do. but then he asked if i had talked to my siblings today, and i said no..and started wondering what was about to be said..kind of worried. he then told me that him and my mom found a body over at our property(across the street from their house). theres a clearing going down the ridge where the powerlines run so dad can get down there, and apparently the body was laying somewhere in there, because mom and dad saw the body from the road. at first they werent sure if it was or not, but mom decided to go check, and sure enough it was. and as she came back up the hill, my parents neighbor was driving out his driveway and asked what was going on..and he went down there to the body, which turned out to be his son. i dont know why things like that bother us(or me) so much more when its right next door, versus 1000 miles away, because half the time you dont know them anyway...its just disturbing. they said the police or whatever finally took the body away around 9pm last night, and dad didnt know what the cause of death was from. bah

it rained. and it rainded a lot..which sucks..because when it rains a lot, water likes to creep into my basement and make a home out of the floor. thats right guys..there may not be a stripper pole :( i’m probably more disappointed then the rest of y ou, but i have an idea that might work. my shop vac has a built in water pump on it, so hopefully tomorrow i will get down there and start suckin that shit out, and maybe figure a way out to keep it dry till after the party. but for now, there may be no pole :(

Halloween_Party.doc

after reading geoff’s post about his project to have the turtles inside, i decided to post about my current project: the halloween party. i’m pretty sure the only ones who may read this have already been invited..if you havnt been invited, then..theres a reason. jk if i really did forget to mention it to someone that i would like to come. just email me if you’re interested. it will be on friday the 26th.

amy(my cousin), olivia(her cute friend), and i are the ones doing the planning. they seem to be paying for most of the decorations, and i would like to help out more, but alas, i’m poor. but i can look at it like this: i’m having over 30 people in, and around my house..a lot of them i don’t know. but i have my own decoration that i’m working on..if you havnt heard yet...its a stripper pole. yes, like those poles they have in strip clubs.

i will submit pictures when it is complete..but i already have everything i need to put the pole up.

what i am doing is this:

there used to be an old galvanized handrail going into the basement that i took down when i got the house...and its been sitting in the basement since. the perfect size for the stripper pole! it was a little long, so i had to cut it down, and bore out the holes on the plates that it was connected to.

last night i went down there and found the center of where it will be, measured and measured, and then marked. the platform will 5x5, and will be a little over 3.5 inches tall(the ceiling is low, so i cant build it up too high, so standard 2x4 height will be sufficient). i was originally going to have plexiglass as the floor, with lights shining up to illuminate the dancer, but after checking with hubbich glass, they said it wouldnt be strong enough. so instead of buying 3in thick worth of glass, i decided to get a cheap version of pergo(sp) to put down..so it will end up looking like hardwood..which will work out good for spinning around the pole and stuff. so today i’m going to start the construction process..since i have basically everything else set up for it. yay!

johnny cash nailed this song. filled it with emotion and heart and soul. i doubt anyone else can do it. but all in all, it’s a good song. i’m posting this for the ones of you who havn’t heard the original “hurt” by Nine Inch Nails. It’s still a good song..but it just can’t compare to what cash did. he did this song justice.

if i don’t go to the doctor and fix this shit. for the past few weeks my ring, and pinkie finger have been going numb at least 70 percent of the day...just the tips of them. which means poor circulation i guess. but thats also tied to diabetes.god lied to me, he said i was the perfect human being. ok, i’m kidding, he told me i was going to die at age 25, and he lied about that too. so whatever. as long as i keep my “fuck you” finger, i’ll be ok..once i lose that i’ll crash my bike into a wall of styrofoam cinder blocks. bitches.

today while waiting for 5 oclock to roll around at fastenal, i heard somebody yelling or whatever, which shouldnt be all that wierd to hear on rossville blvd, but it caught my attention, so i looked out and saw some lady standing there screaming her lungs out at a fat black kid(looked to be a teenager) who was walking away from her. she was in some sort of uniform, i couldnt tell exactly where she worked, but i went out of the store and watched to make sure he didnt do anything do her. the only thing i could actually understand in her yelling was: “NO! YOU COME BACK HERE AND PICK THAT UP AND HAND IT TO ME!!”. i had already figured he had stolen something, and that just made it more apparent.this kid actually had a soft face on him, as in...didnt really have a thug look. he picked up the package and handed it back to her and walked the the corner of our store(facing the blvd). i sat there and observed him, and was just disheartened that someone so young, and still so innocent to the world, would steal. this kid probably weighed about 350 or so, he was rather large. i was leaning up on the front counter when he decided to walk in.

i couldn’t help myself, “did ya get caught stealing something?”

“nah.” he said while trying to hide it. he actually looked somewhat dissapointed and embarrassed in himself.

“can i borrow your phone?” he asked. so i gave him the phone and watched him struggle to figure out how to use it. after a couple of minutes on the phone of him trying to tell his grandma where he was, he hung up.

“so how old are you?” i asked.

“15”

i looked at him with disappointment and said, “you know theres better ways to get the things you want. you can always get a job. i’m 25 and bust my ass working two jobs to be able to afford the things i want, just to have people come and steal them from me, and it just isn’t right, ya know?”

he nodded in agreement.

“man, you look like a good kid, and you’re too young to throw your life away for some stupid shit like that, and you dnot want to go down the wrong road. i’ve had to many friends thats done that and end up in jail, or shot, or whatever. you just have to think about what youre doing before you do it.”
again he nodded in agreement, still with that embarrassed look on his face, and he turned he walked out with his head down.

i didnt yell at him at all. i tried to give him some words of wisdom. but it really just broke my heart. i’m almost wondering if someoen put him up to it, or he was just trying to impress someone..which it had to be something like that, because this kid really seemed like a good kid. i know looks are deceiving and all, but damn. bah, that whole situation just made me feel shitty. it made me thankful for my family and whatnot, because they raised me right. i know i dont make the right decisions regularly, but i have good morals. and i try to act on those.

i’m tired of everything i have tearing up or breaking, or falling apart, or whatever. is there a reason why i tend to have shitty luck with anything? my trucks a piece of shit, my laptop is dying, my desktop is a piece of shit, plus the sound card or something else isnt working. i just want to hear my music! my laptops harddrive is going out i believe(i go through harddrives like candy, and its not from the porn i ‘download’ like some of you will say). i’m just sick and tired of not having anything that will last a decent amount of time. hell, the light in my living room and bedroom died, too. and i don’t know what caused it, i put new bulbs in, jiggled the wires and such, and no luck. thats just it..i have no luck. i know everyone goes through bullshit, but it seems like thats all i deal with. back when i rode bmx, i broke this and that(on my body and my bike), but no one else ever did. i used to think it was because i went “bigger” on the crazy stuff we did, but now i’m just thinking its because if its connected to me in any size, shape, or form: it’s going to break. well goddamnit! give ME a break. all this because i wanted to hear 1 certain fucking song. stupid bullshit